19 Feb Choose
How do you choose which child to protect when the offended and the offender are both your seeds? As a child I grew up feeling abandoned by my mother, most of my close family members, and even the world. I felt like my only true love was my twin. I was physically and sexually abused by family members, stripped of my innocence and self-worth at a very young age. A more accurate assessment would be to say that I was left ignorant of my own self worth. Feeling like my own mother didn’t even love me. But, as I intentionally digested every heart felt word of my loving sister posted via social media, I was torn, by my own cypher of emotions. Because as a child I didn’t connect emotionally or physically with my mother. Even her delivery of the word of God fell on death ears with me, because of past abuse.
So as I was getting ready to start my day today; I realized that God was preparing me for a new day. He begun to bombard me with internal questions like: was I wrong for feeling hurt, abandoned, lost, confused, angry, and undesired? And, because He is not a God of confusion He replied by saying the following: No, you were not wrong for how you felt as a child. Because your hurt and pain was real, but remember when you were a child you thought as a child and you reasoned as a child. But now that you are an adult you must think as an adult and reason as an adult, and discard all of your childish ways. (1 Corinthians 13:11)
Instantly I was given revelation “hurt people, hurt people.”My mother was abused as a child so her relationship with her mother was one of broken communication, due to a past of physical and sexual abuse. And, because we mimic what we know, I tend to be the overbearing, over protective, insensitive mother at times, in an effort to protect my babies from being harmed. In my own self absorbed, narcissistic way, I’ve convinced myself that I’m their first line of defense. If they wanted to get to them they would have to come through the Mother. And, by doing this I’ve unknowingly and unwillingly caused them harm. I’ve squeezed the life out of them. And, just like my mother this WAS the only way I knew how to show them that I LOVE them to LIFE by taking their life learned experiences from them. And I would become hurt and upset when I felt that they didn’t appreciate my motherly deeds. So, I now realize that she loved me the only way she knew how. And for that I love her, and I truly appreciate her efforts. Because many mothers won’t dare to even try to troubleshoot this thing called parenting.
So, today enter into prayer with me as I go to the Father standing in the gap and intercede for every mother and father who’s troubleshooting this thing called parenting. Who’s repeating the patterns of past generations because it’s familiar. I’m pleading to the Father to break the cycle of generational curses, and to allow His Will to be done, and to allow us to love fear like He loves, to forgive like He gives, and to help us to see ourselves through His eyes. I pray that He will give us the strength to put down our weapons for good, and to never return back to them. And that we will hand it all over to Him our dear God. In Jesus name I pray.
Sharessa is the CEO of The Real Me Foundation. She is a devoted mother of 5, originally from Whiteville NC and is one of 7 siblings. She is a faithful covenant member of The Sanctuary, and is passionate about sharing her faith in a very real way. If this devotional has fed your soul, please share with your friends and family. Click the social share button or leave a comment in the box below for Sharessa.