Where is My Faith?


“He has given food and provision to those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him. He will remember His covenant forever and imprint it.” – Psalm 111 verse 5

“Look at the birds of the air, they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth much more than they? – Matthews 6 verse 26


Warning…  This blog post is VERY personal. It’s not the blog to boost your ego, give some kind of “Go get your Blessing” and “Take back what the devil stole from me” hoopla message.

I am tired.

I am frustrated.

I feel like God has forgotten about his servant.

I feel that God has forgotten about me. Has he forgot that I have been a faithful tither? Does he remember that I always say yes when someone ask me to do a favor? I show up for people in ways that for the most part is never reciprocated to me and I try not to complain. I am a great mother, a loving daughter and sister, and loyal friend. I always let my needs take a backseat to those of others. I’M A GOOD PERSON!!!! But I am broke. Why is my mortgage behind? Why is my son not on a NFL team? Why am I loosing clients weekly and barely able to pay the rent for the suite I know the Father told me to move to? I went to school, got the degree, why do I continuously get “ We regret” emails daily. Just why? I could go on for days but it’s so exhausting and like I said before. I am tired. I am taking full responsibility of where I am in my life. My life is the result of me. Myself.

As I write these facts, I am reminded of the day I signed for my mortgage. I smile at the pictures of my son playing at the school he prayed to attend. I get a text from a client to reschedule an appointment and I look at a receipt that says zero balance for my suite rent. Astonishingly I start reading an email that ask when am I available for an interview for a tutor position. It’s not always as bad as it seems. Not as bad as it looks. What does it look like for real?

When we are having difficult times in our lives it’s so easy to look at what is right in front of you. The natural eye is a funny tool. A sense that seems so clear but can be the most deceiving vessel that we use for factual information. The impact of what you see visually on what you accept mentally. Allowing what the eye gate transcends to the Spirit and makes me check what have I allowed into my “Faithgate.” I realized that I have allowed doubt, opposition, laziness and “reality” to override everything the Lord has shown me before. I got into works of self. Self-effort and deeds should be enough.  Enough to manipulate the Father to do what I want, when I want it and it will be a bed of roses. That would be so easy and I wouldn’t be on my knees crying out. I wouldn’t be fasting and fervently petitioning the Father with His Word. I wouldn’t be diligent about writing His promises and speaking them as I face the challenges of life. I have become more intentional as I narrow down the specifics of my life goals and consult the Father as I do so. I have had an executive meeting with myself. I had to admit I have been lazy and working myself. Lazy about obedience and worship but always working in self effort and works of the flesh. I’ve been working and worrying. Not praying and trusting. Am I more valuable than a bird? Have I really had an expectant mindset and faith in things I haven’t seen yet? Have I actually prayed His Words? My faith is the activation for God to move. Faith is the antidote for my slothfulness. The Word is where my answers are and God is the Author of the book. What more do I need? As I look back on where I’ve been and where I am now….What I see doesn’t seem so big and I can expect the Father to show up as He always has before. Beyond what I see, beyond who I have been.


Contributed by: NaTosha Stewart

Natasha is a resident of North Carolina. She is the proud mother of two sons, a successful stylist of 25 years and owner of Charlotte Hair Therapist and a recent graduate of Johnson C. Smith University. She is a faithful covenant partner of The Sanctuary, and a passionate and zealous woman of many talents who is eager to share her wisdom and knowledge


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